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The Public Ineffectual

For entertainment purposes only.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Home Remedy

boo boo
Originally uploaded by Oblivia.

Personally, I'm glad my pimples roughly tied to PMS because if I'm going to be a raging hormonal animal, I think it best to look like one too so people have fair warning.

I have reasonably well-behaved skin but I'm still prone to blemishes, especially on the forehead and chin. You know the ones - the cystic variety. The kind that throb. The kind that look as though the frontal lobe of your brain is trying to escape your skull though your face. The kind that make you think of grisly scenes from Alien or The Thing where the parasitic extraterrestrial bursts forth from the human it used as a dorm room. The kind that make you engage in bathroom surgery.

Mentioning my plight to Xi, she directed me to a site that offered me a way to ease that blemish and I in turn, offer it to you, dear reader.

For this home remedy, you need the following:
- band aids (the kind with sticky stuff all around the center bandage)
- nutmeg
- milk
- small bowl

1. Put a tiny drizzle of milk in the bottom of a small bowl.
2. Grate nutmeg really fine and mix it in batches with the milk. Watch your fingers.
3. Combine until you get something akin to a chunky brown toothpaste.
4. Take some in your fingers and dob on the affected area. Keep the area quite small so you can fit the bandaid over it.
5. Stick the bandaid on top and seal it in.

It tingles at first and the smell is fairly pleasant. I'm happy to report the inflammation has subsided significantly in the last 24 hours. The only other real solution to this kind of a problem is a dermatologist with a needle full of cortisone so, for now, this will have to do.

Of course, it makes sense to do this overnight but if you're as dedicated to your art as I am, you will go to work like this. The only problem is that people like Soylent are going to ask you what you "did to your face". Granted, he was probably waiting for me to answer "sledding" or something innocent like that. Don't repeat the mistake that I made and tell him the truth. Nay, have a quick, well practiced lie handy. Here are a few suggestions (haven't i just thought of everything?):

1. I just had liposuction. (Good for cheek or chin)
2. I've been recruited as one of Nelly's dancers (esp. good for cheek)
3. Carpetburn (smile naughtily)
4. What? What band aid?.......?...........Are you alright?


At 2:59 PM, Anonymous Nagl said...

"Alien or The Thing where the parasitic extraterrestrial bursts forth from the human it used as a dorm room."

Sweet moses, this really wasn't the best post to be reading while chowing down on some saucy pasta...

Ooh, other possible explanations -
5: Incident with an electric toothbrush
6: Doesn't everybody shed their skin once a year?
7: I'm melting! I'm melting! Ohh, what a world, what a world...

At 8:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about 'I cut myself shaving'? :)


At 9:35 AM, Anonymous kantraj said...

ya it is helpfull information


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