Letting Go
As soon as I gave myself permission to eat, I wasn’t hungry anymore. As soon as I gave myself permission to stop, all I wanted to do was keep going. As soon as I gave myself permission to sleep, I remembered the name of the Fine Young Cannibals’ lead singer: Roland Gift. I wrote about habits of mind before but now I have a fuller understanding of how it applies to me.
I choose a path and I stick with it for much longer than I ought, believing this to be steadfast and admirable. But if I become less comfortable with said path as I start down it, I don’t stop to think about it because that would mean I made a mistake. And that’s bad, right? Its good to be right, right? I find myself in a situation of an unnatural lock down where I simply imprison myself. You must. You must. You must. But its MY cage and I even find myself defending it at times. I smother inklings that I should change course, preferring to carry on in an attempt to live up to the ideal of what I started, only with none of the original conviction and zeal. Only by forcing myself to choose and not judging myself for it, makes it less of a struggle.
I'm learning, slowly.
posted by Oblivia @ 1:18 AM
4 Comments:
The Buddhists say "no matter how far down the wrong path you are, turn back".
Brava, sweetheart. We both know now that sticking at the wrong things for too long is overrated.
Lightspeed: this sentiment is very buddhist, I agree. The 'wrong path' is very rarely labeled as such. Those signs on the highway occasionally, usually around off ramps - that say, "WRONG WAY" have always made me laugh.
Mylittleeye: how long is too long?
When it starts to smell, it's time to throw it away.
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