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The Public Ineffectual

For entertainment purposes only.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

"I Gotta Be Meeeeee!"

Oodles of Poodles
Originally uploaded by Oblivia.

Sometimes, when I'm all alone at night and there is no one to entertain me but the internet, I like to do stupid things like online questionnaires so I might while away the loneliness until sleep besets me or the sun comes up.

The one above asks you to answer ten questions and tells you what kind of dog you are. I took the test only to find out that I am a member of one of the most reviled breeds of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the MINIATURE POODLE.

WTF!?! Hell No! Huh???

I have long been a staunch defender of poodles. I maintain, it's not the dogs that are the problem, its the owners. Same goes for Chihuahuas and Papillons. But this doesn't mean I want to BE one. I want to be a Terrier. Like Eddie on Frasier.

So I take the test again. I change a few parameters around size, stay fairly truthful about personality traits and profession, downgrade my intelligence notch, upgrade my facility with children and hey presto....I am a.....*drum roll please*.... STANDARD POODLE

*Sigh*. I'm resigned. This is, after all, slightly better. This dog is without the Napoleon Complex of the miniature breeds. Would you like to see my profile? Ohhhhhh (grits teeth) you're gonna love this.

Dog Name
Poodle (Standard)

France. This is the oldest variety of Poodle. Closely related to the portugese water dog, the Irish Water Spaneil and the French Barbet. Used for hunting and retreiving in Europe. The familiar Poodle topiary originated as protection for its vital organs and joints against the elements when retreiving in cold waters as well as not bogging the animal down with a heavy coat. Known as the Caniche in France it was a favourite of Queen Marie Antoinette (1755-93).

Intelligent and fun loving (you'd have to be, looking like that) the Standard Poodle is a real athlete - good at hunting and swimming. Happy, good-tempered and lively, this animal is camp on four legs (and a fancy coat). The only downside is that the Poodle likes to look good and demands serious grooming every six weeks.

I have to be the bitch I was born to be.


At 11:04 PM, Blogger cow said...

well well... I'm a "SAINT BERNARD"

At 12:10 AM, Blogger Oblivia said...

IN-teresting. Sounds about right to me. Did you see the pic of you as a pup below? Your profile according to the American Kennel Club:

For hundreds of years, Saint Bernards have been renowned for their bravery in rescue work, saving thousands of lives in the treacherous mountains of the Alps between Switzerland and Italy. At the same time, Saint Bernards have been just as well known for their big, loving personalities.

They are also known for becoming so enraptured by the light dancing on the slick surface of blue drinking glasses while washing up as to unwittingly smash it in their paws! (Hope you're healing well - you are going to have one gnarly scar!)

At 6:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hm....I'm sensing a pattern here. I'm also a Saint Bernard.

So why do poodles hang with St. Bernards?


At 9:16 PM, Blogger Oblivia said...

Saint Bernards are very good listeners and have a high tolerance for poodle talk.

At 12:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 10:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 4:57 AM, Blogger Roy Naka said...

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At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Help me Dude, I'm lost.

I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.

No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new plasmatv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.

But Elvis said I, In the Ghetto nobody has a plasma tv .

Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger then I'm gonna go home and ask Michael Jackson to come round and watch that waaaay cool surfing scene in Apocalypse Now on my new plasma tv .

And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . .

"You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on "

Strange day or what? :-)

At 12:50 PM, Blogger Linux Unix said...

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